Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Girl Scout Cookies of DOOM!

Yesterday I got my Girl Scout cookies.  (Don't tell The Squeeze; I don't want to share.)  On the box, there are photos of girls doing wholesome, morale- and character-building activities, and that seriously freaks me out.  Dude.  I'm trying to have some nice, healthy, bingejunkeating here.  Don't go pushing your wholesomeness in my face.  I just want to eat my cookies and guilt in peace.  You know what would help?  Maybe a picture of something as sneaky as I feel, like a ferret or something.  Or a spy.  Or a ninja!

Dear GSA:  Please put photos of ninjas on your cookie boxes.  Ninjas are strong and can stand up for what they believe in by kicking ass.  Also, they help overcome preconcieved stereotypes of what it is to be female, what with having to wear lots of makeup and be totally skinny and also really tiny skirts.  Ninjas wear masks.  You can't even tell what gender a ninja is when they are attacking you, though that might be because either they are invisible or because you are already unconscious, but still. 

Sincerely:  Dana the Biped
 P.S. A ferret-ninja would be okay, too.  Or a duck.  Everybody likes ducks.



Bud would totally let you have all the Thin Mints.
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8 comments:

  1. DianaFebruary 28, 2012 at 12:20 PM

    That's it, you and I are going into the cookie business together. The ferret-ninja will be our mascot, and shall appear on all our cookie packaging.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dana the BipedFebruary 29, 2012 at 9:03 AM

      Deal. You do the baking, I'll do the taste-testing.

      Delete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 28, 2012 at 12:48 PM

    Oooh, I want to help! Can I be the taster? Puhleeze!?

    And Thin Mints ROCK!

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    Replies
    1. Dana the BipedFebruary 29, 2012 at 9:04 AM

      Well, I suppose I can share that responsibility...

      (Confession: I sort of hate Thin Mints. The whole mint/chocolate combo really doesn't do it for me, with the exception of mint chocolate chip ice cream.)

      Delete
  3. AlisonFebruary 28, 2012 at 12:59 PM

    I ate an entire roll of thin mints yesterday, and I have no regrets. It was delicious! The girl on my box is rock climbing, so at least she's not all gussied up.

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    Replies
    1. Dana the BipedFebruary 29, 2012 at 9:13 AM

      My Samoas have girls playing with a fire hose. Which, now that I think about it, is actually pretty bad-ass.

      Delete
  4. WagtheDadFebruary 29, 2012 at 2:23 PM

    I am so jealous. They don't have girl scout cookies where I live, and I love the butter cookies. Wait. There's a beer on my desk. How did that get there? Mmmm....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dana the BipedFebruary 29, 2012 at 5:11 PM

      YOU'RE jealous?! I don't ever get to have beer on my desk...

      :(

      Delete

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