For example, the time I was sitting by a bar buddy and her friend, who I'd never met before. New Face seemed like a nice enough lady, and we chatted casually for a while. It seemed natural enough to offer her a mint when I opened the tin to grab one myself.
New Face took a long, hard look at the tin and finally said, "No thanks, I'm a Christian." And then she got up to grab another beer, finding another seat when she'd been served.
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Later, by the light of a lone, black, chicken blood-scented candle, I spun a maraschino cherry on the lid of my Mystifying Mints, and the stem pointed to "Good Bye," and I realized what a terrible person I am. But at least I'm a terrible person with devilishly fresh breath.
(True: The pointer thingy that comes with a Ouija board is called a "planchette." I know this because I read trashy romance novels.)
What does a Ouija board have to do with being a Christian? And how does a tin of mints that just happens to look like a board have anything to do with have fun at karaoke? Sorry, I guess I'm clueless.
ReplyDeleteThat would make two of us. :)
DeleteI love that she wouldn't accept a ouija board breathmint, but she had no problem getting "another beer." Way to represent for us God-fearing folk.
ReplyDeleteI kind of wanted to say, "Who said I wasn't?" Bu that might have come off as judge-y, and we all know I'd never do THAT. :)
DeleteSo glad I found this blog today! My naughty little brain had so much fun with this! Where can I get those mints?? I MUST have some!
ReplyDeleteWhat a weirdo!
"OH NO! The mints are interfering with my pure Christian Virtues, but here let me swill down this beer and blow this guy in the back of his honda real quick!"
Bet she'll need a mint then, huh? AAaaand I bet you're sorry, I found your blog! lol.
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DeleteTotally not sorry, Kelly! We welcome all sorts here. (Have you seen the Possum Face post? Proof positive.)
DeleteI got the mints some months ago at World Market, and I keep refilling it since I like it so much. I have no idea if you can still get them there, but it does sound like a good excuse to go shopping. :)