Tuesday, May 29, 2012

In Which You Discover I am a Huge Pervy McPerverson.

I woke up one morning several years ago with this poem sprung fully-formed from my head.  I call it, "Ode to a Hot Guy."  Any hot guy, really.  Alexander Skarsgard, maybe, or that dude who plays Thor.  Mmm, beardy buffness.  Anyway, since I know my readers have such fine literary sensibilities, I figured I'd share.  (Hi, Mom!  Go away, Mom!  No, you can stay, but you should probably redirect Dad before he has a heart attack.)  So, without further ado:

Ode to a Hot Guy

I wish that I were cotton.
I'd be your tighty-whiteys and be with you all the time.
I'd always be
in your pants.

I wish I were elastic.
You'd (ahem) bend me and you'd stretch me
with the friction
of your pants.

I wish I were a fly.
Maybe on your undies, or even just the wall.
I'd get to see you
in no pants.

Yeah, that'd do just fine.


  1. Bwahahahahahaha! I LOVE THIS! And now I'm off to share it with MY daughter! Hahahahahaha! Who said 50-something grannies couldn't appreciate hot guys? ;)

  2. Well, Maya Angelou has nothing to fear but then again, only YOU would write an ode to tighty-whities. I feel compelled to point out that if you were elastic, you'd be smothered by the waistband. Of his pants. Yeah, let's get those pants off!

    1. Pants off--yes, I do like the way you think!

  3. This was even better than the time that all the firefighters sang "Happy Birthday" to me in their worst-ever singing voices! (Come to think of it, that's the first time I've ever used that as a compliment...)

    Write some more poetry! Please?

    1. Were they half-naked firefighters? Those are my favorite kind...

      I don't do poetry very often, but if I think of something, you (and the rest of my readers) will be the first to know! :D