Last week, I opened my back door to three stories of absolutely nothing. As it turns out, building management is replacing the back porch/fire escape.
On the one hand, this will be very nice, as the fire escape had been quite rickety and the steps irregular--which is a real hazard for people like me who have a hard enough time on flat surfaces.
On the other hand, I'll have several weeks chock full of opportunities to forget that there is nothing outside my back door but certain death.
Also, as I was clipping my nails, I accidentally cut half my toe off.
Bets are now open for whether the fall or the gangrene will get me first.
(Prada has been accompanying me to work while the construction is going on. In the car this morning, we discovered she passionately hates the song "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something--she howled during the entire thing. But she does like classical.)
Monday, October 29, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
What's Black and White and Red All Over?
My face, the day after an evening test-run for my Halloween makeup. As my costume is pretty makeup-intensive, I wanted a run-through to figure out exactly how early I need to get up on Wednesday. (Answer: Very.) And because I can never do costumes by halves, I went out and purchased higher-end makeup that actually dries (in case my nose itches, or something).
Gotta say, the makeup does stay in place. I washed my face four times to get it all off.
But, it's me, so I forgot to clean it off my glasses. Which I put on the next morning in a pre-Mt. Dew stupor. Aaaand I didn't realize I had facepaint smeared all over the bridge of my nose until about 10:30 that morning, at work. Which means my coworkers are either equally unobservant or total assholes. Jury's out.
(True: A third option is that my coworkers did notice, and just decided it wasn't the weirdest I've looked...)
Gotta say, the makeup does stay in place. I washed my face four times to get it all off.
But, it's me, so I forgot to clean it off my glasses. Which I put on the next morning in a pre-Mt. Dew stupor. Aaaand I didn't realize I had facepaint smeared all over the bridge of my nose until about 10:30 that morning, at work. Which means my coworkers are either equally unobservant or total assholes. Jury's out.
(True: A third option is that my coworkers did notice, and just decided it wasn't the weirdest I've looked...)
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Hops in the Right Direction: It Goes Both Ways
I've written in previous weeks how it's important to me to advocate for adoptable dogs, and I've seen so many examples of people doing so much to help dogs in need.
Sometimes, though, it's the dogs helping the adoptable people. Last Sunday, Linka (with my parents, of course) and lots of other dogs participated in the Canine2IronDog Event near Oak Forest, Illinois, and they were raising money for FOSCIK, a group dedicated to providing for the basic needs of orphaned and abandoned children in Kenya.
If you're a dog-lover, then you know first-hand how a dog can be so good for you, and everyone has heard stories of dogs saving their owners from fires, warning them prior to a seizure, or cheering a child in hospice, whatever. This is the first time, though, that I've heard of a group of dogs doing good for a group people in this way, and it makes me so damn proud on so many levels.
(And guess who took second in their division?)
Sometimes, though, it's the dogs helping the adoptable people. Last Sunday, Linka (with my parents, of course) and lots of other dogs participated in the Canine2IronDog Event near Oak Forest, Illinois, and they were raising money for FOSCIK, a group dedicated to providing for the basic needs of orphaned and abandoned children in Kenya.
If you're a dog-lover, then you know first-hand how a dog can be so good for you, and everyone has heard stories of dogs saving their owners from fires, warning them prior to a seizure, or cheering a child in hospice, whatever. This is the first time, though, that I've heard of a group of dogs doing good for a group people in this way, and it makes me so damn proud on so many levels.
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| Via |
(And guess who took second in their division?)
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
I don't have any experience with revenge, but pizza is best served cold for breakfast.
Today, as I shoveled pizza into my gob, a friend turned to me and said something very profound:
"You know, you've got to take advantage of your time being single. In five years, you could be married, have kids, and be less happy."
Makes sense. My biggest complaint today is that my new tights are not, in fact, truly opaque.
(True: I have yet to understand how we can send a craft to Mars but no one can figure out how to make a comfortable pair of tights.)
"You know, you've got to take advantage of your time being single. In five years, you could be married, have kids, and be less happy."
Makes sense. My biggest complaint today is that my new tights are not, in fact, truly opaque.
(True: I have yet to understand how we can send a craft to Mars but no one can figure out how to make a comfortable pair of tights.)
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Advice To Live or Die By. Whichever.
I've written before about how I'm a bit clumsy. Last week I fell off the toilet and nearly brained myself on the sink. And then the cast iron radiator. (To be fair, I was standing on the toilet, because... You know what? I'm going to just let you wonder.)
Anyway, I know it's really bugging you, not knowing how I actually survive the day-to-day dangers I face. Well, I've got rules.
1. When the going gets tough, watch Supernatural for six hours. Most trouble doesn't last six hours, and if it does, well, at least it's not a brain-eating monster or Apocolypse 6.0. Probably.
2. Never wear pants. Unless you're in public or otherwise likely to be arrested. If I am going to die young, I don't want to have missed any pantsless opportunities.
3. If you're going with a group, let someone else drive. For obvious reasons, most noteably that you're a god-awful terrible driver.
4. Read every book in one sitting. When you're reading, you're immobile, and when you're immobile, you're less likely to accidentally throw yourself down the stairs. So at least you won't die wondering how the book ends.
5. Try to avoid your neighbors as much as possible. No one needs to know you were the one who accidentally drop-kicked a heavy houseplant off the third floor fire escape. (Learned: Dirt explodes. Who knew?)
6. Statistically, more objects likely to fell you are on the ground than in the air. So stare at the ground whereever you walk. Just know that once in a while, you are going to bean your head on stop sign/tree/a stretching tall person.
7. When purchasing shoes: Do the hokey pokey. If the shoes fall off, they will at some point try to kill you. Probably in some horrifying, public, and grotesque way. You've got sexy brains, but no one wants to see them splattered in the food court.
8. If it requires balance, take a deep breath and don't. This includes riding a bike. You'd be better off swimming in pirhanna-infested waters with a raw steak strapped to your face than riding a bike.
9. Keep in stock: bandaids, triple antibiotic, ace bandages, gauze pads and gauze wraps, moleskin, burn ointment, Visine, aspirin, and vodka. Keep all these things in the freezer, since that's where you'll head first anyway.
(True: My next apartment is going to be on the ground floor.)
Anyway, I know it's really bugging you, not knowing how I actually survive the day-to-day dangers I face. Well, I've got rules.
1. When the going gets tough, watch Supernatural for six hours. Most trouble doesn't last six hours, and if it does, well, at least it's not a brain-eating monster or Apocolypse 6.0. Probably.
2. Never wear pants. Unless you're in public or otherwise likely to be arrested. If I am going to die young, I don't want to have missed any pantsless opportunities.
3. If you're going with a group, let someone else drive. For obvious reasons, most noteably that you're a god-awful terrible driver.
4. Read every book in one sitting. When you're reading, you're immobile, and when you're immobile, you're less likely to accidentally throw yourself down the stairs. So at least you won't die wondering how the book ends.
5. Try to avoid your neighbors as much as possible. No one needs to know you were the one who accidentally drop-kicked a heavy houseplant off the third floor fire escape. (Learned: Dirt explodes. Who knew?)
6. Statistically, more objects likely to fell you are on the ground than in the air. So stare at the ground whereever you walk. Just know that once in a while, you are going to bean your head on stop sign/tree/a stretching tall person.
7. When purchasing shoes: Do the hokey pokey. If the shoes fall off, they will at some point try to kill you. Probably in some horrifying, public, and grotesque way. You've got sexy brains, but no one wants to see them splattered in the food court.
8. If it requires balance, take a deep breath and don't. This includes riding a bike. You'd be better off swimming in pirhanna-infested waters with a raw steak strapped to your face than riding a bike.
9. Keep in stock: bandaids, triple antibiotic, ace bandages, gauze pads and gauze wraps, moleskin, burn ointment, Visine, aspirin, and vodka. Keep all these things in the freezer, since that's where you'll head first anyway.
(True: My next apartment is going to be on the ground floor.)
Friday, October 19, 2012
Cheap and Easy, and You Can Still Show Your Mother! (DIY Lego Costume for Dogs)
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| Pardon my terrible photography skills. Also, the top looks spotty because it was raining. |
Last Sunday, I went to a fundraising event for some local animal shelters, and on the agenda was a pet costume contest. I decided go go Friday night, when I was in a hurry and broke. As I strolled the aisles of the local craft store, praying for inspiration, I remembered this image from Pinterest:
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| Via (This might not be the original source. If you know, let me know.) |
But have no fear, for I came up with a solution: sheets of craft foam, the top of a shoe box, and foam can holders. Everything but the shoe box (which I had because I have a shoe problem) was in the same aisle--the sheets were $.79 each (I bought two) and the can holders were a buck a piece (I bought two).
I did not take photos as I went along, because I was in a hurry. (And because my place is a mess.)
Step 1: Cut a U-shape into one end of the shoe box (or whatever box is roughly as long as your dog, shoulder-to-tail.) This gives room for their neck. You will end up cutting off the head end side of the box lid entirely, but that's okay. You just need something to give a little bit of firmness to the top and sides of the Lego to hold the craft foam in shape.
Step 2: Cover the top of the box with craft foam. I used glue dots because I was in a hurry, but I plan on going over it again with proper glue. Aleene's (maker of the famous craft-glue-in-a-gold-bottle) makes an adhesive to use specifically on craft foam, though I understand hot glue and white glue also work.
Step 3: Cut a small slit in both sides of the box lid, right about where your dog's "armpit" is.
Step 4: Cut craft foam to cover the sides and back of the shoe box, extending down to cover your dog's side. Don't glue around the slit you cut, though... (I realized later I should have duct-taped the insides together, connecting the back panel the the side panels, fyi.)
Step 5: Cut a U-shape into the back end to leave room for the butt/tail.
Step 6: Trim the can holders down to Lego-peg-appropriate height. I cut them basically in half to be in proportion with a Prada-sized Lego.
Step 7: Cut circles in the craft foam sheet to cover the top of the Lego-pegs/bottom of the can holders. There was a little hole. And I'm finicky.
Step 8: Glue the pegs onto the Lego box.
Step 9: Pass a ribbon/string/whatever through the slits on either side of the box. They shouldn't be visible under the craft foam. I used velcro straps, which worked really well. I just looped them around Prada's harness.
And that's it! It's easier than it sounds, I promise--it took me around fifteen minutes, and turned out well enough that Prada won the contest. Not bad for less than five bucks!
(True: Has anyone else seen that chia pet costume on Pinterest? If I'd had more time...)
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Hops in the Right Direction: Buy Gifts, Do Good
Getting involved in pet adoption advocacy has been rewarding in so many ways... The events I've attended have all been interesting, informative, fun for both Prada and me, and have introduced me to so many amazing people and organizations and companies.
Lainey's Pawtique and Bakery is one of these companies. Their pet treats are homemade from fresh ingredients (Prada has tried them and approves mightily), and their other products are one-of-a-kind and completely adorable.
That all makes Lainey's cool, but here's the best part: they donate 5% of every sale to various pet charities and shelters. For October, proceeds are going to tailsofhopefoundation.org's "Blanketed with Love" campaign. (The campaign collects and distributes blankets for pets receiving treatment for cancer or other life-threatening illnesses, to keep them warm during transport after uncomfortable treatments.)
Starting November first and continuing through December 23rd, the donations will go toward making two huge treat baskets for animals in local Illinois shelters. You can make purchases at Lainey's website or their Etsy store, where you will also have the option to add a $5 donation for the treat baskets to your order (coming soon).
Pretty sweet, huh?
(So, to my dog-loving friends and family--guess where your gifts are coming from this Christmas?)
Lainey's Pawtique and Bakery is one of these companies. Their pet treats are homemade from fresh ingredients (Prada has tried them and approves mightily), and their other products are one-of-a-kind and completely adorable.
That all makes Lainey's cool, but here's the best part: they donate 5% of every sale to various pet charities and shelters. For October, proceeds are going to tailsofhopefoundation.org's "Blanketed with Love" campaign. (The campaign collects and distributes blankets for pets receiving treatment for cancer or other life-threatening illnesses, to keep them warm during transport after uncomfortable treatments.)
Starting November first and continuing through December 23rd, the donations will go toward making two huge treat baskets for animals in local Illinois shelters. You can make purchases at Lainey's website or their Etsy store, where you will also have the option to add a $5 donation for the treat baskets to your order (coming soon).
Pretty sweet, huh?
(So, to my dog-loving friends and family--guess where your gifts are coming from this Christmas?)
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