Tuesday, May 14, 2013

You Didn't Find What You Were Looking For. Thank God.

I don't know about you, dear reader.  I worry about you.

Almost every day, I check what search terms bring traffic to this blog.  Frequently it's something like "sad dog" or "possum face" or "bees knees" or "hunger games nazi germany."

Okay.  I see where those are coming from.  I even see what posts those search terms would bring you to.

But every once in a while I get an outlier.

To the person who looked for "hairy ferrets":  Are there hairless ferrets?  Or are you trying to shave your ferret?  That sounds worrisome.  And wiggly.

To the person who came here looking for "hot chick with her mouth open":  What you're looking for is called porn.  This place called the internet is the land of plenty when it comes to porn, so I'm not really certain why you would choose to come to my small, self-depricating blog.  Unless you're talking about me in the summer, when my apartment is 110 degrees and I'm panting in an effort not to expire and sweating like a sweaty thing.  In which case you should know I don't post photos of myself.  And you're still a perv.

To the person who searched for "dear jesus loves everybody's":  Please finish that sentence.  Really.  Come back and let me know in the comments.  I'd really like to know.  You put in the apostrophe, so it can't be a typo.  Dear Jesus loves everybody's what?


(True:  I really hope some of these folks stick around and interesting content, even if it's not what they're looking for.  I try to be open-minded like that.  And to all you weird seach term-ers:  I wish you well and hope you find what you're looking for.  Just not here.  Because that shit's just bizarre.)

8 comments:

  1. I got here through your comment on The Bloggess's latest blog. I don't know if that is better or worse than those who got here via weird searches...

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    1. Are you kidding? That's awesome! Huh. Who'd'a thunk my comments are interesting enough to get a click? Sweet! :D

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  2. You know what's fun? Run the most bizarre phrase you can think of through Google. I mean something you think nobody could have ever thought of. See where that leads. Trust me, it's out there. In fact, it's probably for sale on Ebay.

    I really hope I never encounter my own blog while playing this game.

    Oh, by the way, when your apartment is hot and you're all sweaty and panting... that's probably a sexual fetish for someone. Six billion people in the world. Maybe a billion of them have internet. In a group that big, there's bound to be a few thousand weirdos who are "into" anything you can name. They are searching for it, and occasionally arrive here. So in a sense, your blog is porn. Not mainstream, popular, economically viable porn. Just sad, specialized, niche porn.

    Hope that makes you feel better!

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  3. Hmm. Now "shaving the ferret" sounds like something niche porn fetishists would use anyway, and now THAT might lead them to your blog.

    I love the stupid ways people find mine...but I may encourage that some with the ridiculous labels (that specifically call out this is NOT porn...nobody listens!).

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    1. Oh, between the ferret porn and the possum porn, I'll have the market on zoo kink. Lol.

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  4. Ha! We get so many porny searches bringing folks to our blog. Really, some of them just boggle the mind. Why, why would someone be searching for that, and even worse, why would it bring them to us?

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    1. It's rather worrisome, and has made me realize I don't understand SEO whatsoever, lol.

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