Open your math books to page 487. Problem one reads, "If Dana the Biped and Mike the Deer-Puncher both plan on taking the London Underground with their choir director from Gloucester Road to Chiswick Park on the Green Line, how much later than Dana will Mike arrive?"
It's answer B, about ten minutes later. Because Mike will have to take the next train after he has shoved Dana onto the train just as the doors close, and been left behind, waving sadly as the choir director pulls out his hair.
Alright, we'll move on. Physics, page 193: "If Mike the Deer-Puncher depressurizes a can of Glade room spray with a pitchfork instead of an ax, how long will he smell like a Hawaiian Breeze?"
If you answered, "I can't remember, the fumes messed with my head," give yourself a point. Bonus points if you can tell me how many years Mike continued shedding shrapnel in the shower.
Moving on to English, and continuing our study of literary devices. Can anyone explain to me what cosmic irony is? It's the idea that the fates are toying with us mere humans, and it can stem from a large and surprising discrepancy between reality and our human ideals.
For example, Mike the Deer-Puncher is in school to become a veteranarian, which is quite expensive. The only way he's found to pay for that education? Working in a butcher shop.
That's all for today, class; we'll have Mike visit us again soon. You are dismissed.
(True: All of the stories above, though I can't remember the exact scent of the Glade. It might have been Country Garden.)
|Isn't it ironic? Don'cha think?|