Monday, April 29, 2013

All About the Ladies

Warning:  SFW euphamisms (with one exception) and TMI to follow.

Ever since I read this Epbot post, I've had my ladies on the brain.  Apparently, so does the rest of the world.

My sticky-outy bits aren't that, well, sticky-outy.  They don't generally get in the way.  In fact, they have never gotten in the way.  But at a loud work event last week, when I leaned forward to shout in a coworker friend's ear, he zigged and I zagged, and the ladies collided with his elbow, spilling his drink down my front.  (Good thing I wore black, right?)  Without even thinking about it, my friend exclaimed, "Ohgodyourtits!"  Which from anyone else would be offensive but from my friend was just funny as hell.  Good thing it was too loud for anyone else to overhear...

Later, as I was attempting to find some new, properly-fitting underpinnings, I swung by good-ol' Victoria's Secret.  I'd already tried a bunch on at other stores, and had had some near-fits, so I had a pretty good idea of what size I needed, like that the band needed to be either a 30 or a 32.  The oh-so-helpful girl in VS sized me up and recommended a 36B.  Because apparently VS is trying to get into the hula hoop business, with the way that thing would be flying around on me.  And the cup size?  Would have been a lot like that "Fat guy in a little coat" bit from Tommy Boy.  Not what I want to think of in relation to the girls.  I think I'm officially done with that store.  I always knew their sizing could be a bit inaccurate, but that's just ridiculous.  I had much better luck at TJ Maxx, where I also spent a lot, lot less.

Finally, you may remember that I went to a con this weekend, C2E2 here in Chicago.  It was awesome.  I wore one of my Doctor Who tees, because it's an advertisement of what interests me and an invitation for other Whovians to come fangirl with me.  (David Tennant's hair, anyone?)  But of course I forgot I was wearing it, so when an artist in Artist's Alley mentioned he had some Doctor art a few pages farther along in his portfolio, I was surprised.

"How did you know I like Doctor Who?" I asked.

"Your shirt is made of psychic paper," the artist responded.  Very clever, right?

The person with me piped in.  "I just thought you weren't wearing a shirt!"



(True:  My dad reads this blog.  Hi, Dad!  Sorry, Dad!)

8 comments:

  1. I never really knew what bra size I was, but after gaining some weight I finally realized my bras were not even close to fitting. I went a few weeks ago to a place my sister recommended. She, and many other people, have warned me that Victoria's Secret sucks. The place I went actually specializes in fittings for women with mastectomies, and they have special licenses for it. I actually feel better with a bra on than off now, which is craziness. I read the link you posted though, and now I'm a bit sad. I was initially shocked and then excited that I was a D cup, because my boobs must be HUGE! Didn't know the whole cup size and band size adjusting together thing. (If you come visit again and want to go bra shopping, I'll take you where they fitted me)

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    1. Yes please! That place sounds awesome!

      And I hear you on the comfortable bra thing. My correct size is pretty hard to find, so I've just got the one for now, but it's pretty great. I've got better posture already!

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  2. I have heard that Victoria's Secret underthings are all uncomfortable. Maybe that's her secret? I don't know anything about intimate apparel--I mean I truly do not know one single thing--but I can deduce how far VS is out of touch with the needs of the shopping public, based on the bodies of all their models compared to the bodies of 99.9% of real women. I stay away from the place. It's kind of creepy.

    Anywhoo, glad you got the ladies, um, sorted out? Supported? Re-brassiered? Glad you got your sticky-out bits taken care of.

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    1. Haha, thanks!

      And Victoria's Secret is also notorious for crazy photoshopping--their models don't even look like their ads, if that makes sense. Also, their models always have their knees and elbows airbrushed away. It's weird.

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  3. I actually stopped looking at bras anywhere but VS, because they came out with a bra that has a padded underwire. (Those things are dangerous! I usually end up getting stabbed by the little buggers.)
    I can understand why a lot of people avoid them, because they mostly carry bras that add, like, 5 cup sizes, which is kind of ridiculous when you check out their models. Seriously, who needs that kind of enhancement??

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    1. I have a friend who used to say the exact same thing. I think the whole underwire-stabby thing might be touched on in the Epbot post, or maybe on the Reddit itself.

      And to be honest, I thought I needed that kind of enhancement before I started wearing the right size. :)

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  4. I love VS cotton underpants, because they don't shrink and with the size of my butt, that's an important consideration. But my "girls" are proportional to my butt, so I never buy bras at VS. As far as I can tell, VS doesn't make bras for girls the size of mine.

    And anyway, I don't think VS bras are really designed to be worn. At least, not for very long. . .

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    1. Although they do claim to sell t-shirt bras, I'd agree with that statement, that they're not meant to be worn very long. And my girls aren't all that sizeable, and they still don't make bras in my size. Which is probably why they tried to sell me an entirely different size. (And their underpants are pretty great.)

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