Because in the last day, I almost accidentally turned my car into a boat in an attempt to
Because my fifteen-minute commute has turned into a two-plus-hour one.
Obviously this is the beginning of the apocalypse. And you know what always comes in handy in an apocalypse? Chainsaws.
(True: There are perks to living in a third floor walk-up. Not only is my place not flooded, when the zombies come, I can take out the stairs and have an easily defensible position. Now I just need to stockpile enough toilet paper...)
(Also true: Women in post-apocalypse movies are never seen scrambling to find tampons in a world of ravaged supply lines. Which is odd, because they do that often enough now, even with Super Walmarts on every corner.)