I've got two (legs, that is). My dog has three. I'm pretty sure that makes five. See? Thousands of dollars of post-secondary education at work, right there.
I have discovered Reddit, and it is good. There goes any chance of productivity in the evenings after work or on the weekends.
Oh let's face it, I never get anything done then, anyway. Except sometimes for dishes. And occasionally laundry. And once in a while I make a sad attempt to not kill flowers in the yard.
But mostly I just watch Doctor Who. Or this:
In actually important news, if you live in the Madison, Wisconsin area, the Dane County Humane Society is having a "Thank Goodness It's $5 Feline Friday" event. Adult cats' adoption fees are reduced to just five bucks, and kittens' to $20 for today--you've still got some time today to save a life!
And then you can take a photo of your new friend, post it on Reddit, and become complicit in my sloth. (The sin, not the animal.)
You know what makes a great gift? A Tamagotchi. Not the little keychain bit, because I'm pretty sure all of those are stuck in a time loop in the 90's. But apparently there's an app for that.
You know what doesn't make a great gift? A puppy.
A dog is a joy to be sure, but it is also a responsibility, a creature that will depend on you for everything for the rest of its life. And you owe it to the dog to be certain its owner is going to be able to provide for it. If you've already come to the conclusion that your family is ready for a dog, and now is a great time to get one, that's fantastic. Adopt a dog. Give that dog the gift of life.
But I have serious issues with a dog being a gift, particularly for children. It's not a commodity; it's a life. And tying a bow around its neck and bringing it out Christmas morning doesn't help children learn the importance and fragility of that life. But taking a child to a shelter, explaining how and why the pets end up there, and what can happen to them if they don't find homes--that might not be as fun as a wriggling puppy Christmas morning, but it will have more resonance.
And that's a problem in a lot of ways. Cost is a big reason why people are hesitant to adopt a dog who may require additional health care. The cost of care is even scarier when your pet needs the surgery now.
There are, of course, lots of options. Pet insurance, credit cards designated specifically for vet bills (ask your vet), savings accounts--whatever suits you. But sometimes, you need a hand.
For example, a dog, Bubba, in one of the meetups I attend (okay, I've never actually been to one yet, since they always seem to be when I'm working one of my three jobs), recently had to have his left back leg amputated because of a rare lymphatic disorder, poor guy. The meetup is hosting a rummage sale to help defray the cost of that, and to show support for Bubba and his mom.
If you are in the Chicago area this weekend, here is the info:
When: Saturday, March 31, 10 a.m.-2 p.m.
Where: Greenleaf Art Center, located at 1806 W. Greenleaf Avenue, Chicago, IL 60645.
I won't be in Chicago this weekend (Dear Florida: I promise I will try not to burn you down.), so I've got two options for helping: mailing a check to the person running this show (homegrown affair, so it'd go to an apartment address), or call her with my credit card information. These are people's homes and personal lines and real names I'm dealing with here, so I'm not going to post that info here for all the Internet to see, but if you are interested in donating, leave me a note in the comments or email me at danathebiped@gmx.com and I'd be happy to set you up with contact info. I will match donations from readers dollar for dollar (up to a completely arbitrary point; I have three jobs for a reason, and plane tickets are expensive).
Here is another arbitrary thing: a cool video! It will probably make you cry, in a good way. (Shout out to my friend Sam, who found the video and who also fosters pit bull terriers. He's good people.)
Yay, happily ever afters!
All right, all right, wipe your tears. Go make someone hug you--I'll wait.
Better now?
Good, because I have to tell you that I'm probably not going to be posting for a few days, while I fry in the sun, drink rummy drinks, and enjoy the festivities of a good friend's wedding. See you on the flip side!
Yesterday I got my Girl Scout cookies. (Don't tell The Squeeze; I don't want to share.) On the box, there are photos of girls doing wholesome, morale- and character-building activities, and that seriously freaks me out. Dude. I'm trying to have some nice, healthy, bingejunkeating here. Don't go pushing your wholesomeness in my face. I just want to eat my cookies and guilt in peace. You know what would help? Maybe a picture of something as sneaky as I feel, like a ferret or something. Or a spy. Or a ninja!
Dear GSA: Please put photos of ninjas on your cookie boxes. Ninjas are strong and can stand up for what they believe in by kicking ass. Also, they help overcome preconcieved stereotypes of what it is to be female, what with having to wear lots of makeup and be totally skinny and also really tiny skirts. Ninjas wear masks. You can't even tell what gender a ninja is when they are attacking you, though that might be because either they are invisible or because you are already unconscious, but still.
Sincerely: Dana the Biped
P.S. A ferret-ninja would be okay, too. Or a duck. Everybody likes ducks.
Bud would totally let you have all the Thin Mints.
Ah, precious sleep. The one luxury that poor people and rich can enjoy alike.
I take sleep very seriously. I can honestly call myself an expert sleeper. I'm passionate about this hobby, and practice napping as often as possible.
However, when I wake up, I'm up and moving about ten minutes before any sign of soul or humanity is present. All id, no superego. From 7 till 7:10 a.m., I can be an absolute monster. Worst part is, most of the time I don't even remember what awful thing I said or did during those ten minutes. I am very lucky my parents never held what happened in my sleep-addled state against me. Except in a haha-making-fun-of-you-for-the-next-decade kind of way.
For example, the time My Sister the Lawyer decided, many year ago, it would be a good idea to wake me up by jumping on me? I really don't recall all the creative and loud obsenities I supposedly used, and I definitely don't remember throttling her.
But My Sister the Lawyer sure remembers.
(True: The Squeeze doesn't even bother trying to talk to me first thing in the morning. He's smart like that.)
Mya needs a hand. Really. There's only 5.6 degrees of separation between people now, what with Facebook, and Twitter and everything, so every person that posts a link to her increases her chances of getting the surgery she needs exponentially.
