Hops in the Right Direction: A Call to Arms

I usually try to hop in the right direction on Thursdays, but this post just couldn't wait another day.

There hasn't been much snow in Chicago for, well, pretty much all winter.  Prada is totally bummed out.  Her favorite winter activity is putting her nose down in the fresh snow and then running around the yard, snowplow-style.  Her second-favorite activity is napping in her warm bed (if my lap is unavailable).

Sadly, not all dogs have a warm bed to call their own.  The Animal Welfare League is the largest shelter in Chicago, and the only one that has a base in the economically depressed south side, with services including low-cost clinic care and no-cost monthly pet food distribution.  The ALW is also out of bedding for their animals.  A drive is being held to collect new and used pet bedding, as well as items that can be upcycled into bedding like sweatshirts and remnant fleece.

You all know what a softy I am for dogs, but this one really gets me.  The shelter where I adopted Prada had cement floors--the kind of slippery floor that is very scary to her.  A kind volunteer found a rug to put in Prada's run, so she had a safe harbor.  Every dog deserves one of those.  So, the first three people to comment today will have brand new beds donated in their name (or their pet's name or whatever).

This is Mya.  She is a people-lover, and she loves to use that long tongue to give kisses.  She also is in desperate need of a foster home.  She needs knee surgery, and the money has been donated, but it can't happen until she has a place to recuperate.  Every day she waits, it's another day in pain.  She's in Frankfort, Indiana.  Spread the word.  Facebook Mya's story.  Let's help her find a foster home--it's only a very little miracle she needs, after all.

Goodbye, this last year. Hello, Earth's Last Year.

Well folks, this is my last post of 2011.

According to the much-hyped Mayan calendar, the world will end on 12/21/2012, and that knowledge has influenced my New Year's Resolutions.

• Eat whatever.  But don't gain too much weight, because I still want to be a fairly svelte specimen when an alien species unearths my corpse in a few millenia from the Vesuvius-style ruins.
• Drink more beer.  Alcohol makes a great preservative.
• Get a tattoo for identification purposes.
• Take up running, and enroll in a wilderness survival course.  I may as well give myself a sporting chance.
• Continue doing laundry semi-regularly.  Because who wants to die in dirty underpants?

So, folks, what'll it be?  Geothermal flares?  Volcanic eruptions?  Asteroids?  Pestilence?  Robots?  And what, if anything, are you doing to prepare?

Oh, yeah, and it's not too late!  Email your pet's Ugly Sweater Photos to danathebiped@gmx.com, and you might win a $10 pet store gift card!!!  (To be honest, your likelihood at this point of winning is almost certain...)


(True:  The 12/21 date may actually be a "give-or-take-60-days" appointment, which makes waiting for the cable guy seem pretty reasonable.)

Trapper has already proved he is ready to survive anything, and will come out the other side tail wagging.

I Am an Accidental Grinch.

You guys.  You guys.

I almost accidentally ruined Christmas twice in a six-hour span.  No joke.

First, the infamous camera.  I could have sworn I had told my parents I wanted a camera, but I was going to tell The Squeeze too, so maybe they would want to powwow with him.  Likewise, I told The Squeeze I wanted a camera and that he should powwow with my parents.

The Squeeze gave me an awesome camera.  I was telling my folks about it, and discovered my dad had as well, going so far as to look for a specific, hard-to-lose color (he knows me so well), charging the battery, and getting an idea of how it worked.  I felt bad, my parents felt bad, I shared the badness with The Squeeze, and he felt bad, too.

It was bad.

No sooner had I stopped sniffling than it was time to go to church for the Christmas Eve service, where I was going to be singing "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" a capella from the hymnal.

Well, apparently our hymnal doesn't include that hymn.  I didn't discover this until about five minutes before the service began.  I spent the entire sermon flipping through the hymnal, looking desperately for a song I knew well enough to do without any practice a capella.  Sorry, Baby Jesus.

But, because the Jeez is a forgiving sort, it all turned out okay.

At church, well, those people have known me since before I was potty-trained, so if I was awful, they were kind enough not to say so.

 And my dad, being a very good sport and a very gracious man, returned the camera and got me a Dremel, which is one of the coolest things I have ever owned.  We had fun playing with it on Monday.  It has a lot of accessories.


Me:  What is this?

Dad:  A grinder.

Me:  What is this?

Dad:  A different grinder.

Me:  What is this?

Dad:  A sander.

Me:  This is so cool!  (Maybe I should be writing this down.)


(True:  I have asked for and been very excited over some rather unique gifts in my time.  I.e., The American Heritage Collegiate Dictionary and a new tool box.  But clearly I'm not the only one asking for brow-raising gifts:  The Squeeze's grandma asked for trouser socks.)

Oooh, and there's still a week to enter the Ugly Sweater Contest!  Email me at danathebiped@gmx.com!

Willow and Sammy are also less likely to come home with giant Ikea bags of dirty laundry than some bloggers I know.

Oh Hey, Guess What?

The Squeeze and I exchanged gifts last night, because we're each spending Christmas with our respective families.  And guess what I got?

A camera!!!

Yay!

Now you might get pictures that are only bad because of my photography skills, not because of my crappy cell phone!

Woot!

And just a reminder:  This will be my last post before Christmas--this weekend is a great opportunity to embarrass your dog by entering them in the Ugly Sweater Contest!  Email your photos to danathebiped@gmx.com.

(True:  Once, when I was living in London, I took a good picture.  It was of an architectural detail, a demon on a doorway.  I wonder if that means anything...)

Willow and Sammy are photogenic, though, aren't they?

Not to rub it in, but I am completely done with my holiday shopping.  Now all that remains is the actual work part:  wrapping.  I take my wrapping very seriously.  Every year, my wrapping paper coordinates.  I buy spools and spools of ribbon, and make my own bows.  (Store-bought bows?  Please.)  It can take up to three yards of ribbon to trim one package.  I also will use buttons, silk flowers, feathers, and glitter glue for trimmings.  Who doesn't love glitter glue?  Wrapping one package can take up to twenty minutes, though I have gotten quicker over the years.  (The trick lies entirely in glue dots.  Best.  Invention.  Ever.)

I am like the Martha Stewart of gift-wrapping.  Except I've never been to prison.

Of course, I've also never been wealthy--maybe there's a correlation there.


(True:  Maybe I'll post pictures of some of my packages later.  Then you can all admire the blurs and use your imagination--is that fuzzy blob a ribbon?  Or Prada the Puff?)

It's not too late!  Email your Ugly Sweater photos to me at danathebiped@gmx.com!

Rusty is dreaming of a white Christmas in a warm new home.

Speaking of bows, Rusty would look fantastic in one, especially if he were under your tree.

Country Biped Goes to Town

I'm from a small town--thirty people, one intersection, one bar, twelve houses. Now I live in an artsy-fartsy suburb of Chicago, which in some ways, still feels like a small town, albeit one where you can get french fries after nine p.m.

I don't actually go into the city all that often, but last night was an exception. I attended Pamper Your Pet and Yourself downtown with Prada, and we had a blast.  Prada got her nails done, a massage, and a treat bag full of goodies.  She handled it like a pro--loving the attention to the point that she even once left the carpeted area to meet someone new.  She even held still for some photos!  (If I can track them down, I'll post them.)

I, on the other hand, am socially inept and country bumpkined my way through the evening.  I got my nails done; it was only the second time I'd had them done professionally.  I chose red polish.  It was a bad decision.  My hands are kind of pink, and the polish left my hands looking like a bad valentine.  All that's missing are some paper doilies.

Fixed!

I also had my very first massage.  I'd been nervous about it, because I have a real issue with strangers touching me, especially my back.  I have some crossed wires in my nervous system, so if you touch my shoulder, I might feel your touch in my lower back or behind my knee as well.  It's weird.  Two glasses of wine on an empty stomach really helped, though.  I think I only flinched once or twice.  (Note:  when I start drinking red wine, which I sort of hate, it means I'm desperate and probably about to make a fool of myself.)

A very nice woman waxed my eyebrows, and didn't even smirk at the fact that I'm half Neanderthal, half orangutan, all Bert-y.

I also met some very nice people you may be hearing from in later posts, as I sort of brow-beat (pun!) them into agreeing to let me interview them.  Yay!


(True:  When she was born, My Sister the Lawyer's hair looked just like Bert's.  When I was born, mine looked like Ernie's.  But I've never really cared for rubber ducks.)

(P.S.  Don't forget to send your entry for the dogs' Ugly Sweater Contest!  Email your photos to danathebiped@gmx.com .)

Hands down, Rusty would love to be your valentine.

Rusty would look swell in a sweater, but he's a pretty tough guy. The cold doesn't bother him, especially if it's cold on the way to a car ride! 

Hops in the Right Direction: Baby, It's Cold Outside! (So Enter Your Dog in an Ugly Sweater Contest and Win Stuff!)

I'm a pretty girly girl, and of course Prada is as well.  Prada's closet (okay, her recycled shoebox) is pretty well-stocked.  Not with dresses or super-frilly things, but it gets cold in Chicago and she's a wimpy little lap dog even if she doesn't know that, so she does have several sweaters and a heavier coat.

Like pretty much everything with Prada, getting her a coat was a process of trial and error.  The first coat I got her was a nice heavy one with fleece lining.  Two straps--one around the neck and another around the belly--were velcro-equipped to hold it onto her.  It slid right off down her side.  As it turns out, a dog needs both front legs in order to hold that style into place.  Now she's got one with two separate leg holes--only one leg required to hold it in place.  This is probably fairly obvious, but not something I'd ever had to consider before.  I will be adding a patch to cover the remaining leg hole--that scar is still temperature-sensitive, so it would be pretty silly to keep her warm everywhere but where she's coldest.

Sweaters shouldn't have "arms."  The extra one gets caught on brush and things in the yard and when we're walking, and generally is a pain.  I really like the inexpensive ones that just have slits for leg holes--it's really easy to tack the extra one closed.  (It looks a little goofy, anyway, having all that fluff sticking out of the hole.)

On a related note, I've seen several alarming things for pets on the market lately relating to cold weather. 

First, scarves.  Really?  Really?  You know that's useless, right?  Also, it seems like a choking hazard.--what if those long ends get caught on something while the dog is running?  She could seriously hurt herself.

Second, Uggs.  Ugh.  I've had really active dogs that end up with sore feet because snow balls up in between the pads of their feet, so I get the necessity of boots for some dogs.  However, those are made especially for paws, so they won't fall off, and stick as close as possible to the natural shape of their feet.  These Ugg-styles don't have those features--they seem to be an accessory, not a neccesity.  I've yet to meet a dog that likes wearing boots.  Those that do, walk really funny in them, at least at first--and those are the good ones.  Put a dog with questionable balance like Prada in Uggs, and I feel it's probably an accident waiting to happen.

I'm all for making your dog look cute.  Want to put bows in her hair?  Okay.  A bedazzled collar?  Fine, whatever.  A snarky t-shirt?  Cool!  But putting your dog into something potentially dangerous, especially when they are going to be outside and in any way active, doesn't seem like a great idea to me.

Let me know what you think!  Do you know anyone who has used these products and loves them?  Have you ever put a dog in boots?  Most importantly, have you ever entered your dog in an Ugly Sweater Contest?  Now's your chance!  Email your photo to danathebiped@gmx.com, and in early January (after the holiday madness), I'll choose a winner to recieve a $10 Petsmart or Petco giftcard!

(Also, I would love to hear your thoughts:  Anything you want to hear about on Hops in the Right Direction?  Any questions about your three- or four-legged friend?  Any adoptable dog you'd like to see sponsoring a post?  Email me!)

(Also also:  I have used too many exclamation points in this post.  And the title of this post.  Sorry.  I'm just so excited!!!!)

No sweaters needed if we cuddle in bed!

This week's posts are brought to you by Rusty, an adoptable chihuahua who best likes his beds and snuggle buddies warm, especially if something good is on TV.