Monday, November 28, 2011

Biped's Urban Safari

Late in August, my car needed work, and circumstances demanded that the work be done the next day before a mini-roadtrip.  No problem:  there is a Walmart on my way to work where you don't need an appointment, and they can handle the basics of car repair.  They opened at seven.  I needed to be as work by eight.  It was only two and a half miles from Walmart to work, and I frequently walk farther with Prada.

I usually take Bottom Street to Right Street to Middle Street to work.  I left Walmart and turned left, hoping to take Middle Street all the way there.  There was a huge stinkin' cemetary of FML in the way.  Streets abruptly stopped, then picked up again on the other side of the cemetary.  I ended up walking all the way to Top Street, and turning by the Forest Preserve.  There was no sidewalk along side the Forest Preserve.  I bushwhacked through the knee-high brush.  Mind you, it was already 87 degrees and humid.

Finally fighting my way out of the jungle/Forest Preserve, I paused a moment to catch a breath.  I was nowhere near a bus stop, but a bus heading my direction stopped out of pity because I was so bedraggled.  I paid my fare.  I should have gotten off in two stops, but the heat had gone to my head, so I just kept going.  Suddenly, we were passing over Right Street, where I needed to be.  I got off at the next stop, but pedestrians weren't allowed back over the overpass, and you really just couldn't get there from here. 

Green is the route I should have taken.  Purple is the path I took walking, with teal showing my ill-fated bus trip.
 I finally made it to work--sweaty, angry, and tired--half an hour late.  My phone immediately rings.  It's my boss.

"I just saw you walk past my office window.  Don't you normally drive?"

"Yes.  Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

"Car trouble?"

"You have no idea."

"I brought bagels!"

(True:  I usually have a pretty decent sense of direction, if you can believe it.  Also:  instead of walking 2.5 miles, my route took me nearly 4.  My map is not to scale.)

Dude, Biped.  You should have brought me.  I'd have led you courageously through the jungle and told you where to find Timmy in the well.

Bob probably would have handled the whole thing better than I did.  He loves walks and rolling in the grass--I could have just had him roll a path through the Forest Preserve for me.  And kids and adults alike love him, so he could have distracted everyone while I steamed, and tried not to have a heat stroke.


  1. "I brought bagels!"
    I just laughed out loud in the school library. Thanks for that.

  2. That bagel was probably the sole reason I didn't throttle everyone who so much as looked at me that day. I was not a happy camper.

  3. That really sounds like something that would happen to me. Actually, it has. Many times. Apparently, a sense of direction was not standard and my parents didn't opt for one for me when I was born. Cheapskates. By the way, I really wish I didn't rent, because I love Bob. I would totally take him if I wouldn't be evicted for having him. :(

  4. My sense of direction really isn't so bad, as long as I can actually get there from here. But when I do get lost, I get lost epically. I once went to the wrong state for a job interview. Yeah, really.

    I know about Bob. I've sort of got a dog crush on him, myself. Hopefully he finds a good home soon!