Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Strangest Day

Scene:  Home from college for the summer, I visit my best friend; who I will call Seven.  (Story to follow.)  We are in his backyard with several other friends, all of us jumping about on Seven's giant trampoline.

Me:  Ow!  Ow!  Seven, you stepped on me!

Seven:  Oh, whoops.

Me:  Everybody, stop jumping for a minute; I need to get off the trampoline.

Seven:  Are you okay?

Me:  I'll be fine.  I just need to walk it off.

(I walk a few steps.)

Me:  Oh my god.  Half my foot just shifted to the left.  I think I just broke my foot.

Seven:  Well, that's not good.

Seven's Mom (from the back door):  Dana?  You have a phone call.

Me:  On your home phone?  Is it my parents?

Seven's Mom:  No.  (She hands me the phone.)

Me (on the phone):  Hello?

Voice:  Hey.  It's your ex-boyfriend you haven't heard from in over a year, who treated you like crap to the point of being run from town by your friends and family.  Even your teachers helped.  How are you?

Me:  Why are you calling me?  Why are you calling me here?!  Never mind, I just broke my foot.  I need to go to the emergency room now.

Author's Note:  Voice didn't really say all that.  He just said something like, "Uh, hey, it's, like, me.  How are you?"  But that doesn't have the same impact.  Too many commas.

(True:  I once went out with a guy who was a priest, and then a soldier, and then an alcoholic.  One of those that go to college and party for the next seven years.  I'm short.  He was four inches shorter.  I have a colorful dating history.)


  1. Sometimes it's as though currents of misfortune flow through our lives, causing multiple bad incidents in a short time.

    I guess the silver lining of your injury was that it came just in time to give you a perfect, airtight excuse to hang up the phone. Because "I have to go wash my hair now" is really getting worn out.

    So did you ever figure out how he tracked you to your friend's house?

    And what was the outcome with your foot?

  2. Well, before the Voice skipped town, we were all friends, so I'm not surprised he had the number. Why he would try to reach my at my best friend's house instead of on my cell, I don't know.

    I didn't actually break any bones. I tore straight through everything else, though: muscle, ligaments, and tendons. I was on crutches for about a month, and Tylenol 3 for about twelve hours before the hallucinations got to me and I flushed the pills down the toilet.

  3. So, let me get this straight. You dated a priest, who decided to be a soldier, probably developed PTSD and became an alcoholic instead? Where do you meet a guy like that? Is there an online dating service for men of cloth? Or do they take the online quiz and always end up getting matched up with this "God" person?

    Oh and hey, nice blog.

  4. Thanks, Christine! I lived in a small dorm for swing dancers in college--our house was on the quad with all the frats. It was a great place to meet alcoholics and watch men playing football in their underwear in January.