Wednesday, August 22, 2012

If the World Ends, It's Probably My Fault

You know how the Doctor always has a companion?  Keep that in mind.

I was at the store, waiting patiently in line to purchase my items.  There was a man chatting in front of me, and it was unclear whether he was in line.  I figured, no big deal, either he'll move forward with the line, or he won't and I can step up then.  The woman behind me did not agree.

"Can you move up already?" she asked.

"I think he's in line," I said politely, continuing to wait.  A few moments pass.

"Well, I guess because I asked, you're not going to move up, then.  Bitch."

Everyone who has been waiting patiently turns to stare at her, because she's clearly missed her medication.  A passing employee opened their register just for her, because this woman seriously looked ready to slug me. 

But I've figured it out.  If I had interrupted the man's conversation and asked if he was in line, explaining that I had to interrupt because if I could move up about a foot and a half, the space-time continuum would bend, making time go faster, so the woman behind me could buy her cheetah print press-on nails in less time and therefore meet the Doctor back at the TARDIS in time to save the world from alien invasion.


And now, we're all probably going to be infested by alien/plant/parasites and leafy fronds are going to grow out of our eyesockets, and it's all my fault.

Sorry about that.

(True:  If I had the opportunity to time travel, I'd take a lot more naps.)


  1. Hey, at least she didn't climb over you and straddle your head to cut in line! People in line are crazy, though. I can think of no other circumstance where people get pissed if you don't stand directly on top of the person in front of you.

    1. Yes! All the rules of personal space go right out the window. If I can feel you breathing, you are too close!

  2. People do get really weird in lines. I had a similar experience at a Safeway once when a guy nearly knocked me down to push past me in the line. My response was pretty extreme - I rolled my eyes at him. His wife/babe/significant other just freaked out and started yelling at me about how I thought I was better than them - well, I am, of course, but I didn't say so out loud - and how rude and impatient I was being. It was surreal. I always start looking for Ashton Kutcher and a hidden camera when that kind of stuff happens, but he's never there.

    1. People are crazy. I sometimes want to shout, "Are you a person? Do you have any sense of how to exist as a social creature?" Because it'd be nicer to believe they were bodysnatched than that it's just that common for people to be awful to each other.